Toy Soldiers (1984) Reviews

• Entertaining

  zmoviefan2006-01-27

  I remember watching this action flick on late night cable years ago when I was still living in Mexico, for some reason it always tuck in my mind. Years later when I returned to the USA, being a huge b-movie fan bought a VHS copy at a video store going out of business. To this day, I still have the VHS and am thinking about buying the DVD. Anyway, I like the beginning (the first 30 minutes or so) with the friends having fun on the yacht and suddenly finding themselves hostage in some third world country. The middle is a little boring in my opinion, just a lot of talking and nothing really happens, but once leading lady Ms. Garber and friends go for their kidnapped friends, it picks up and becomes funny and full of action. The young cast is pretty good looking too.

• This could have been a great MST3K

  jacobpleasants2008-07-16

  And in the context of MST3K, this may be worth watching. This movie is terrible, but I almost enjoyed watching it because it's just bad enough to incredibly hilarious. The plot is ridiculous and makes absolutely no sense, the premise is nonsensical, the acting is horrendous, and the action will make you cringe. In one instance, scenes that are supposed to be the same time of day are just not: one of the scenes seems to have been shot around evening and the other is clearly in the middle of the night. There really was no attempt to make this movie anything more than a terrible little treat for us awful-movie fans. So if you masochistically like to watch bad movies, I would recommend this one. I had a good time watching it. It's probably one of the worst I've seen in awhile.

• Pat em' down.....

  FlashCallahan2013-09-15

  While on a vacation in Central America, Tim Robbins, Jason miller spent a lot of time drinking, whilst some American teenagers are kidnapped by terrorists. A rescue mission is sent after them, but they manage to escape and join up with a mercenary, because his movie career nosedived after Blazing Saddles to fight the terrorists. And Sean Astin and Lou Gossett Jr., are nowhere to be seen.... So basically the film is bad. For most of it we have a fat bloke with a head injury, while the bearded terrorists try constantly to feel up the two pretty hostages, and this is nearly the whole of the second act. The rest of the second act is of Tim Robbins and the others argue with rich people and train. Oh and one of them gets randomly attacked on the beach, and then justifies her joining of the rescue team because she's just killed someone. Hilarious. Its by the numbers stuff, with poor one liners, and Jason Miller looking really embarrassed, and the rest of the cast either being really beautiful, or being the ugliest band of soldiers ever committed to celluloid. As an eighties slice of cheese, its Roquefort, nice to look at, but pungent, and only nice in small doses. Plus it taught me that as soon as someone dies, they either get covered in rats, or sent to an embassy in a bin.